Headline to choice

Your choice? Who am I?

Development, Passion, Stress Relief, Better Way, Another Way, Life Choice

Worried, stressed, lost your way

Your choice? Who am I?

So just who are you? How do you think of yourself? How do you define yourself?

Far too often as fallible human beings we fall into the trap of believing we are less than we can be and this has a negative, draining effect on our lives. Not to put too fine a point on it we distrust our abilities and allow this inner lack of confidence to define us.

If you recognise this position and can see that defining yourself does affect your confidence in yourself, you can change it to improve who you are. To become better, to become who you want to be, to become someone who others look to for help, guidance, wisdom or support.

Changing attitude

It maybe that the way you define yourself has come from your upbringing, your experience of life or possibly you think you were born that way but none of these is relevant if you want to change who you are. To use any of these allows the negatives to define us and only positivity will allow us to change who we are. Finding the path to that person you need to be requires change and to change you have to know where to start. To make a decision that you are going to start is where you start. To change you have to decide to change and the decision to change is your start point.

Change direction

Change direction, follow the signs

This is where anyone who has redefined themselves started from – that decision is where you choose not to believe that how we got to this point is how we have to be. Our path through life will take many turns and some missteps along the way are life happening, it is fluid and ever changing, and should be so but unless you wish to believe fate, destiny or some outside mystical force guides you nothing can stop you changing outcomes to positive, life enhancing experiences rather than debilitating negative happenstances.

Either way

Anything you thought that defined you which is negative can be seen as a signpost which, if you had known it at the time, and seen it as such, could have been a place you might have used to change. You cannot change history but you can recognise its effects and without regret can see how a different decision could have resulted in a different you.

So no regrets, and no self-recriminations only look for the positives which you can use now and make a part of how you define the new you.

© Rick Grain 26 June 2016

All images courtesy of Pixabay


Headline to choice

Alias The Terminator

Alias The Terminator


We all use aliases, well maybe not all as I know there are a few older chaps and chapesses who only have the one email address (usually xxxx @ btinternet or aol.com) but if you have multiple emails for different reasons you may have tried and succeeded at making yourself an unique name. Don’t you just hate it when you’ve been racking your brains for a variation of honeybunny which doesn’t automatically get the “this identity is taken would you like honeybunny1775884?”

The idea of using aliases, particularly with regard to your email name, was to help hide your real identity from those who want to use your real identity as their alias in order to perpetrate some kind of fraud or scam. This is less of a concern than it used to be.


If you are using an alter ego the scenario changes as this is very different to the individuality of an unique name. Alias The Terminator is heading towards hiding yourself rather than showing a streak of individuality and for someone to grow and become the go to expert or foremost authority hiding behind a façade will lead to problems. Far better to develop your uniqueness as what sets you apart from the pack, and to highlight this is yet another path you need to find on the journey to fulfilment.

Most often The Terminator is hiding what they believe as something deficient about their personality and are using a strong alter ego to boost their confidence. This can work for some but to the majority the alter ego won’t stack up when reality bites and you have to actually relate on a one to one basis either physically or as part of an online developing relationship. The relationships you have with either clients, friends, lovers or sometimes especially family cannot survive the strain that an alter ego forces you to create and maintain. It’s like lying; those who live a life based on lies to cover their inadequacies or mistakes create internal stress trying to remember what lies they told to whom and eventually it all falls apart as friendships break under the weight of distrust.

Break apart

As an alias The Terminator also acts as a front to hide from people as a threatening character and keeping in character is only easy for serious practitioners such as actors. If you are hiding behind the threat of retribution or vengeance you are going to be making more enemies than friends which isn’t the desired outcome of a growth program.

Stand out

Think about what you call yourself even in terms of email identities and choose a name that reflects or promotes your character or essence to help people to understand where you are coming from

© Rick Grain 6 June 2016

Time to choose

Can you find your way to ….?

If you drive a lot, maybe as part of your job, or just because you like to go places, you probably use a satellite navigation tool like TomTom or Garvin or Via Michelin or any number of others and you will know that if you rely on total navigation by computer generated voice you will get where you are going but you will need it to find your way back. (Free tip here: Look at a map and only program in the last few miles of your journey)


There are several theories as to why this is the case but I’m not going into that because I am using this example to highlight the problem with asking a direct question and getting a finite answer. Now the answer could be correct or not but the problem is that you didn’t think of it yourself. It was handed to you on a plate and that makes it instantly forgettable so you could find yourself in the exact same dilemma at some future point and having to ask someone the exact same question again. Being given a solution to a problem only helps you at a future time if you keep repeating the answer to yourself over and over again like a mantra or if you can remember that far back learning your times table by rote. The sing song “once two is two, two twos are four,” made you remember that forever and while there are still some educators who think this unnecessary it remains the only way your brain can instantly give you the answer to seven times six without reaching for a calculator.

The same problem with a provided solution repeated after a short passage of time renders most people’s ability to solve a dilemma or puzzle for themselves inoperative.

Signposting doesn’t give you the answer but merely helps you to find the way to a solution you arrive at by yourself which will be all the more helpful because of that fact. Trying to find answers to questions on the net, for example, gets you lots of solutions or access to guides or even outright, in your face, the Answer below your query. This is great if you can access the net but if you are in the far north of Scotland unless you are fortunate or rich enough to own a satellite phone you will have to find another way to solve dilemmas.

Journey directions

I liken the process of signposting to getting you to turn around and see the signpost that was there all the time because when you get to really know there are signposts for everything you may need to solve in your life you begin to know where to look for them without any help. For some this is a short journey and for others the distance varies but be assured it is a journey and these always have an end. For most people the first problem to solve is to find the beginning.

Journeys end

© Rick Grain 29 May 2016

Headline to choice

Your choice? Why is it up to you?

Development, Passion, Stress Relief, Better Way, Another Way, Life Choice

Worried, stressed, lost your way

As this is the third on the same subject (Your choice) I really should have published this first but the thoughts which prompted each of the previous blogs came from outside sources which give me the premise from which to start each subject. If you would rather know what the series is all about this is the place to begin

So why is it up to you?

The picture at the top of the blog may give you a clue and certainly some people have suggested it could be taken as, or used as a point to make about bipolar disorder. Yes, it could be and as this is freely distributable material it may be that someone else has used it for many different topics, but to have the understanding that you have choices you must have had this internal discussion with yourself. Bipolar disorder, or to give it it’s old name schizophrenia, has been portrayed on screen, big and small, as talking to yourself and even if true while there is a similarity it is the choices we make which would determine if it our decisions are a rational conclusion or something else.

ham or cheese

The key, though, is you make a decision, whether it be “shall I have a cheese sandwich or ham?” or something more serious like “do I dive off the 10 metre board or go down the 3 metre?”. Both of these examples are periods of hesitation as they show a fork in an already taken road and you naturally question am I ready for this? It is not the same as coming to a new idea or possibility and debating whether you are capable of achieving the best result or even completing the course or whatever the outcome will be. The internal questioning relates more to your inner confidence and this is the crux.


Most of the world’s greatest achievers have one of two things: They are either born with genius level intelligence which allows them to work through a problem to a final definitive solution or they create something from being bold enough to go for it. This is why a lot of business gurus will tell you that you cannot achieve greatness unless you are prepared to fail and you will probably fail more than once. The list of those people who have created and the lost fortunes are too numerous to mention but nearly all have accepted failure and started again. I personally think that there is more than enough knowledge and case studies and examples of people doing something incorrectly for anyone to succeed without making the same mistake someone else has already made.

Knowledge is what we lack when we question ourselves into frozen inaction and hesitation is what we do before making a decision after researching the errors others have made.

Your choice? Asks you to learn enough to make a wise decision about your future. The why is up to you.

option-option ©Rick Grain 15 May 2016

Your Choice – Passion or Stress?

Development, Passion, Stress Relief, Better Way, Another Way, Life Choice

Worried, stressed, lost your way

Your choice? Passion or stress?

We all feel stress from time to time and if it gets too bad the results can range from constant headaches caused by tense muscles to heart failure or stroke and possibly death. Is there a way that your job or business can be the cause of this and is there a way to alleviate or reduce or even remove the stress altogether?

One possibility is that there is a similar emotive force which has a very different action on the mind and body. That is passion. Whether the cause or effect of passion is your business, your love or maybe even your sport or pastime the resulting feelings don’t usually have the kind of devastating consequences that stress has but why do we feel one and not the other when circumstances may be the same?

Growth Blindfold, Development, Passion, Stress Relief, Better Way, Another Way

Find Another Way

It is not just that you maybe own the business and your manager doesn’t have the need or the same passion you feel because I have had experience of feeling the passion as an employee while the owner was on heart pills and blood pressure medicines due to the stress. You can let the build-up of pressures get to you and then the effects on your health can drag you down while you still have the resulting work load to cope with which adds to the pressure until something has to give.

It is easier to accept that while you can’t do everything, you can learn to manage the stress.

Even the most passionate people can feel stressed especially if there is a glitch or two within what you do so that the results aren’t what you had hoped for and the internalised striving for perfection creates pressure. This is where you can learn to utilise inner resources to help you cope and to do this you have to let go of that perfectionism. To a degree this is a common problem for anyone with a passion in that they won’t accept less than a perfect outcome as part of life.

This is the key which can unlock a better you, can allow you to grow and can help you to see that imperfection isn’t only a fact of life but also presents one of the greatest opportunities to improve. Think Edison for where most people would have given his quest up as unreachable he just saw another way his lightbulb didn’t work.

If you want help with finding your way to accepting the imperfections of life and utilising those things as opportunities rather than frustrations, you may need some help in seeing which way they are pointing as they are surely all signposting you to options and solutions which the simple frustrations can hide from your eyes.

Growth Blindfold, Development, Passion, Stress Relief, Better Way, Another Way

Remove the Blindfold to Growth

The mechanics of this can be explained this way:

Frustrations and problems can easily be allowed to act as a shield or maybe a curtain. Which of these is true for you may correlate to how much passion you have for what do1. Even as a curtain can be pushed aside or is maybe made of voile so is nearly transparent a shield can block the view of a way ahead or blind you to a way out.

Life signposting – an easier way to growth and dealing with the frustrations of life.

© Rick Grain Monday, 02 May 2016


1 Correlations between passion and internally blocking yourself from seeing a way out of problems are another subject I will visit at a later stage